your questions answered march 2019 750

Your Questions, Answered – 07


My kids hate doing homework. What can I do?


Whenever any person ‘hates’ any aspect of life the question(s) we need to ask are:

  1. What specifically is it about this aspect of life that the person apparently ‘hates’?
  2. Have we considered all factors and all people in respect to what is being asked?
  3. Has the person connected to the purpose of what is being asked of them?

We must remember, a person does not ‘hate’ anything; however, it is true there are aspects of life that each person has self-mastered (generally what they enjoy) and that they have not yet self-mastered (more likely to NOT enjoy).

Thus, if homework is something a person does not enjoy, we really need to identify what aspect that person does not yet feel equipped to manage. Is it:

  • Doing work after school – are they too tired and need a rest?
  • That morning homework better than evening homework for this person?
  • That handwriting, and thus support with handwriting would be beneficial?
  • That they are not sure how to do what is being asked of them and thus require some more one-on-one support?
  • That they have a belief system that school work is for school and never for home?
  • That they do not understand that one of the purposes of homework is to support self-learning, self-dedication, commitment and increased work ethic?

There is an endless list of possibilities for why your child hates homework, but the key is in asking:

  1. Why do they find this task difficult/unwanted? and
  2. What is needed to support them to feel equipped to respond to this aspect of life?


My husband and I are separated and have completely different ideas about food and diet when it comes to our children. What can we do?


As a behaviour specialist I learnt very early in my career that we can not change another person’s behaviour; however, we can offer an education that supports a person to change their own behaviour when they so choose to.

Thus, food choices need never be about another parent, rather about educating each person to understand the relationship of food, drinks etc. on each person’s body.

If a person learns to discern that some foods will support their body while others will not (not based on a ‘rule’, rather based on how it affects their body), in time they will make their own choices as to what they will choose to eat/drink etc. and what they would prefer not to.

Thus food choices never become about a rule from any person, rather a science relationship by observing the impacts (positive and/or negative) that each food has on our body.

Originally published in the January 2019 edition of Haven for Families


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