A contract is an agreement between two people or multiple parties. But when taken away from the legal context, we actually have many unspoken contracts, as in: “If you behave this way, I’ll behave that way.” Or: “Look, let’s both agree to do life in this particular way. And if you don’t ruffle my feathers, I won’t ruffle yours.” Very, very colloquially expressed, it could be said that the motto here is to scratch each other’s back or even pee in each other’s pocket.
These contracts are unwritten and, more often than not, never spoken about nor readily exposed. They exist between partners, between parents and children, between friends, colleagues at work and team players on a sporting field.
In this video, Senior Behaviour Specialist Tanya Curtis from FABIC Behaviour Specialist Centre on the Gold Coast explains that all contracts of this kind have a similar purpose in that they are designed to delay each person’s development, advancement and evolution in their own classroom of life while protecting the contract and pretending that it is not there.
On the other hand, when we embrace the classroom of life, we want to be shown all our contracts. And when the scope of contracts is revealed, it can feel a bit like a blood-stained crime scene and really messy. When we start to allow ourselves to become aware of them, do not judge them and don’t make them wrong.
Simply understand that this society we all live in encompasses thousands and thousands of hidden contracts, unseen and unspoken. And it’s up to us to say that we’ve had enough and no longer choose to play that game, no longer subscribe to a contract and instead learn how to live life free of contracts.
This video may be useful for those searching for the following:
- Identifying emotions
- Difficulty identifying emotions
- Childhood trauma
- Childhood trauma in adults
What to watch next:
And for a deeper dive into all things LASTING behaviour change with FABIC:
- A couple of FABIC I Choose Charts which are available from the FABIC online shop, individually or as a complete set: ‘When people say or do something I don’t agree with’ and ‘When people say ‘no’ to my request’.
Then there is the episode ‘Bullying and Controlling Patterns – How Do I Not Allow Myself to Be impacted?’ in the Mental Wellness series on FABIC.tv.
